The NFL Draft wrapped up last month, and we know everyone was inundated with a single storyline – and if Loserball had a definition it would be Shadeur Sanders draft stock! Once thought to be a top ten or even top five pick, he fell all the way to the fifth round. And to Cleveland of all places, the Loserball of NFL franchises. Could this be a match made in heaven? Let’s do a little recap and give out grades to some notable teams.

Cleveland – A+. They took two running backs AND two quarterbacks? Oh, Cleveland - there you go Browns-ing again. Taking Dillon Gabriel over Shadeur Sanders in the third round was somewhat of a surprise, but they apparently heard the rumblings of their decision as they eventually ended up taking Sanders when they couldn’t ignore him anymore two rounds later. Now their quarterback room consists of Joe Flacco, Kenny Pickett, Dillon Gabriel, and Sanders. That’s a lot of uncertainty — which we love! Not to mention they signed Diontae Johnson who was on a head-spinning number NFL teams last season. Johnson in the locke room bodes well for a lack of team chemistry. Please HBO, put this team on Hard Knocks!

Steelers – B+. Brilliant play by not taking a quarterback until the sixth round. Maybe, just maybe, they are going to go with Mason Rudolph? Or *gasp* Aaron Rodgers??? If either of those are the option the Steelers are going to be Loserball gold! Missouri running back Kaleb Williams is an iffy pick, but the Steelers offense is still going to shine at the quarterback position even though they might tail off in the backfield. This team is running the hamster wheel of mediocrity, which is a strong showing from typical Steeler teams. And don’t keep looking for that QB!

Cowboys – B-. Everyone knew going into the draft that the Cowboys needed some sort of presence at wide receiver to take some of the pressure off CeeDee Lamb and somehow through nine picks they did not take a single receiver. We know now it was because of the questionable trade for George Pickens. Dallas will go into the season with these two barnturders and then a bunch of JAGs (just a guy) backing them up. They did draft a tandem of running backs to try to keep that part of their offense marginal, but the Dallas offense should be a little less prolific than it has been in years past.

Bears – D. Chicago used their first two picks and their last one to really sink their offense, most notably with Michigan tight end Colston Loveland and Missouri wide receiver Luther Burden. While Burden has a few question marks and some thought Loveland was too soon, both give quarterback Caleb Williams not very solid options to improve their offense. This may not  help Caleb to take his seven games last season with less than 50% completions to new levels, which is how you want to kick off an NFL career. Da Bears took an offensive lineman in the second round and through free agency, which does not bide well for improving on the 68 sacks Williams took last season. The Soldier Field faithful may have a long season ahead of them with new coach and offensive dunderkind Ben Johnson at the helm.   

Raiders – D. It has been a while since the Raiders haven’t been Loserball darlings for any stretch of time. We can’t say that this draft will definitively change things, but they certainly took steps to make their offense worse under new Head Coach Pete Carroll. They landed the strangely-coveted Ashton Jeanty at six overall, came back with Jack Bech in Round 2 to give the Silver and Black a real lack of presence at receiver, then unbolstered the offensive line in Round 3 with two picks, and again at receiver with Dont’e Thornton Jr. in the fourth. The draft might be a turning point for the Raiders taking steps to wrong the rights this season. Quite disappointing from this writer’s desk. 

So teams will spend like crazy to bring in players to wrong the rights of the previous season. Sometimes teams make great signings, and sometimes it doesn’t work out quite as planned. Of course, it’s the QB that impacts the game — and Loserball scoring — the most, so let’s start with the free agent (and one trade) signal callers that have new homes for 2025.

Daniel Jones, Indianapolis Colts – The good news in Loserball Nation is that no matter who the Colts go with at quarterback, we have ourselves a great option. Anthony Richardson has already proven that he is the king of incompletions and turns the ball over as much as he can. Jones comes to Indy to try to take the starting job. His MVP-like performances over the years in the swampy Meadowlands were the stuff of legend. Sure, the Colts line is a little less porous than the Giants, but Jones really excels at racking up the negative points!

Russell Wilson/Jameis Winston, New York Giants – Pleeeeeeeeease let Jameis somehow win the starting job here! We have put him on the Mount Rushmore of Loserball since he uttered the immortal, “I’m just praying for the Lord to deliver me from pick-sixes!” Lord, please don’t, as those are worth -200 a piece! Whoever is deigned to start, it looks to be a great season for the G-Men.

Justin Fields, New York Jets – A third team in three years for Fields spells continued Loserball upside, especially now that he’s on the Jets, who seem to make a miraculous mess of everything. It’s pretty clear that Fields is going to be running for his life aplenty — which leads to lots of sacks, hurried throws, and perfectly-timed turnovers.

Geno Smith, Las Vegas Raiders – Geno was down-and-up with the Seahawks, yet his promising tailspin late last year sent him packing to Sin City. What’s not to like? Second in the league in INTs with six more fumbles, and sacked 50 times to boot! You couldn’t pick one of his wide receivers out of a lineup, and he could be a finalist for Loserball Comeback Player of the Year.

Aaron Rodgers, ????? – This freaking guy still? While his options seem limited to Pittsburgh, his couch, or a darkness retreat, Rodgers still loves all the attention. He made the Jets sing last season in Loserball with consistently erratic throws, a statuesque pocket presence, and a propensity to throw it to the other team at timeliest moments. Once an NFL MVP and Loserball kryptonite, Rodgers could bring home some Loserball hardware this season if he finds a team and his skills continue to eloquently erode. Here’s to hoping that he’s under center somewhere when the regular season starts.

Of course, one can never forget Cleveland, with Joe Flacco and Kenny Pickett duking it out for a multiple of magnificent mistakes. The Browns are always keeping it competitive! Stay tuned for a draft recap next week and remember — you might be a loser, but that makes you a winner here.